May we just take a minute to say: “Best Vice President Ever.”
Seriously, people, who can compare? Hannibal Hamlin? Cool name, sure, but he was a total lame-o. Spiro Agnew? Pshaw. Did he ever say “go fuck yourself” on the floor of the Senate? Did he ever dress like he was shoveling his suburban driveway to a memorial service at Auschwitz? Did he ever shoot a man in cold blood? No. We didn’t think so. Agnew’s a pussy and you know it. Dick Cheney is a badass, and we love him. He’s like America’s abusive father — we’re terrified of him, we hide under our beds when we smell whiskey on his breath, but we crave his attention. We need him to tell us we’ve been good. We have a sick admiration for him that we’ll be describing to our therapists for years.
Monday, February 13, 2006