Monday, November 20, 2006

The New Minority Party

  • House Republican CaucusLeader Boehner's First Week AgendaDay One
  • Vote for rule changing the title of Minority Leader to "Caucasian Leader."
  • Introduce bill to torture gay, flag-burning Mexicans with ties to Hugo Chavez.
  • Hold press conference declaring there is solid evidence that weapons of mass destruction are being manufactured at Salón de Fernando in East LA.

Day Two
  • Blame yesterday's Salón de Fernando fiasco on Dennis Hastert.
  • Deny blaming Rep. Hastert for the Salón de Fernando fiasco.
  • Amend torture bill to include blacks who vote.
  • Press conference with Senate Caucasian Whip Lott to announce companion Senate bill.

Day Three
  • Blame Dennis Hastert for any verbal slips involving the "N-word" during the previous day's press conference with Senate Caucasian Whip Lott.
  • Deny blaming Rep. Hastert for anything other than the Salón de Fernando fiasco.
  • Call for an investigation into whether RuPaul was involved in the sale of Vogon star cruisers to Venezuela.
  • Amend torture bill to allow for drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
  • Pass out oil industry checks on House Floor.

Day Four
  • Deny blaming Rep. Hastert for the Salón de Fernando fiasco.
  • Introduce a resolution to award Congressional Medals of Honor to frozen "Snowflake" blastocyst-Americans.
  • Hold a press conference denouncing the Demoslamunistofascists for committing treasonous acts of non-support for our frozen blastocyst-American heroes.

Day Five

  • Amend the Congressional Medal of Honor resolution to exempt Frozen Blastocyst-American #H1456-03 from consideration for the medal, citing the "limp-looking" position of a bit of protoplasm that may develop a proto-wrist.
  • Blame Rep. Hastert for not informing the Caucasian Leader about Frozen Blastocyst-American #H1456-03
  • Amend the resolution again to match Caucasian Whip Lott's newly introduced Senate version which exempts frozen blastocyst-American who are excessively pigmented.
  • Deny blaming Rep. Hastert for anything.

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