November 25, 2015: So, I was out hunting on my own land when some other hunters, probably hunting on public land across the road, fired a shot that hit me. I called my wife, then 911 and was taken to the hospital. I told responders that I'd seen two hunters get into their car and drive off, so they probably were aware that they'd shot me. Still, looks like hunting season is over for me since I've since died.
November 25, 2015: I don't get it. They're sending me to jail! I live in Texas where we all carry guns and shooting someone else is just our morning wake-up exercise. WTF? I mean really, just because I was seen loading my gun just before I “accidentally” shot that woman? Damn – looks like the government IS trying to take away our second amendment rights.
November 25, 2015: So the ball-and-chain and I were having this argument when I just happened to have a gun in my hand and just happened to accidentally shoot her – to death. I wasn't too sure the cops would buy my story, so I moved her body to the bed, then cleaned up all the blood that was all over. I waited a day or two, then confessed to my neighbor and showed him her body. Really – I could be in some deep doo-doo over this. At least I'm not dead – like my wife.
November 24, 2015: So the 8-year-old girl next door was playing with her puppies. I opened the window and asked if I could play with the puppies too (I'm only 11 myself), but the bitch said no. So I got my father's shotgun and blew her away. I'm claiming I didn't do it and my great-grandparents believe me. You've got to love their loyalty.