This Is What It's Like to Be Poor (Click on this heading to read more)
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I make a
lot of poor financial decisions. None of them matter, in the long term. I
will never not be poor, so what does it matter if I don't pay a thing
and a half this week instead of just one thing? It's not like the
sacrifice will result in improved circumstances; the thing holding me
back isn't that I blow five bucks at Wendy's. It's that now that I have
proven that I am a Poor Person that is all that I am or ever will be. It
is not worth it to me to live a bleak life devoid of small pleasures so
that one day I can make a single large purchase. I will never have
large pleasures to hold on to. There's a certain pull to live what bits
of life you can while there's money in your pocket, because no matter
how responsible you are you will be broke in three days anyway. When you
never have enough money it ceases to have meaning. I imagine having a
lot of it is the same thing.
Poverty
is bleak and cuts off your long-term brain. It's why you see people
with four different babydaddies instead of one. You grab a bit of
connection wherever you can to survive. You have no idea how strong the
pull to feel worthwhile is. It's more basic than food. You go to these
people who make you feel lovely for an hour that one time, and that's
all you get. You're probably not compatible with them for anything
long-term, but right this minute they can make you feel powerful and
valuable. It does not matter what will happen in a month. Whatever
happens in a month is probably going to be just about as indifferent as
whatever happened today or last week. None of it matters. We don't plan
long-term because if we do we'll just get our hearts broken. It's best
not to hope. You just take what you can get as you spot it.
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