"A study found Equador, Venezuela and Colombia have the most well-endowed men in the world. The study was conducted by TSA screeners at JFK's International Terminal." - Jimmy Fallon
"House Speaker John Boehner says President Obama should have clearly outlined his exact plans before bombing Libya. Apparently it's only Iraq where you don't have to do that." - Jay Leno
"Seventeen days after Newt Gingrich insisted President Obama should establish a no-fly zone over Libya, he's complaining that Obama established a no-fly zone over Libya. It's the same as Newt's policy on adultery. He can't make up his mind." - Jay Leno
"Sarah Palin visited Israel. As if the Jews have not suffered enough." - Jay Leno"
Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents - doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem…" - Lewis Black"
Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'" - Lewis Black"
A problem for our military in Libya is that they can't tell the rebels from Gadhafi's military. The U.N. has now declared that the war be fought as 'shirts vs. skins.'" - Conan O'Brien
"We now have wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Libya. They call it a 'theater' of war but this is a multiplex." - David Letterman??
Jay Leno: Michele Bachmann says she will launch her Presidential campaign in either Massachusetts or New Hampshire as soon as she figures out which is which. There could be some eligibility problems for her. She has her birth certificate, but nobody can produce her high school diploma.