Great Words

Here are some funny words from the past week or two...

David Letterman: "One percent of Americans participating in this poll believe – believe -- Dick Cheney is the best Vice President ever. Everybody else in the poll believes that that one percent should be wearing funny hats."

"Listen to what Barack Obama did today. He worked on the stimulus plan, had a classified intelligence briefing and met with Congressional leaders. Meanwhile, John McCain backed over his mailbox." --David Letterman

"Today was Joe Biden's first full day as vice president. Yeah, advisers say Biden spent most of the day watering his hair." --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, when President Bush returned to Texas, people who were there to greet him were holding up signs that said, 'You made us so proud.' Afterwards, the people admitted that the store was out of 'You totally embarrassed us' signs." --Conan O'Brien

"Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts made a mistake during the swearing in of Barack Obama. That's the second mistake the Supreme Court has made with a president, if you count the time they declared Bush the winner." --Jay Leno

"The new season of 'Lost' kicked off tonight. If you haven't seen it, 'Lost' is about a group of desperate people out of touch with the world. It's based on the true story of the Republican Party." --Craig Ferguson

“Osama bin Laden has released a new tape where he displays a shortness of breath, and experts say it raises questions about his health. See, that’s how you know this war has been going on too long, okay. When our enemies start dying of natural causes.” -Jay Leno

“But I want to tell you, it’s so cold. It’s so cold that Sarah Palin shot herself a brand-new coat.” -David Letterman

Bush staffer who has been there from the beginning reminisces, says Barney the dog is meaner than Cheney ---Fark Headline

“Well, all across the country, this is kind of sad, unemployment offices are swamped with people waiting to file for unemployment insurance. It’s gotten so bad that the offices are overwhelmed and can’t function. I got an idea. Why don’t you hire more people? They’re right there in line. Speed this whole thing up!” -Jay Leno

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Di you know that if you rearrange the letters in the words “illegal immigrants” and add a few more letters, it spells out:

What the hell are you doing here? Go back to wherever you came from and don’t come back until you’re legal.

How weird is that?

---from Bits & Pieces by Jonco