December 9, 2015: I got arrested and
hauled to the courthouse. I was patted down and had my hands cuffed
behind my back, but somehow I got my hands on a gun and shot two
rangers before they killed me. I guess the cops are too embarrassed
to tell everyone how I got that gun.
December 10, 2015: I'm a police officer
who accidentally shot the guy I pulled over for DUI. I will not be
charged with any crimes. As the DA said, the
evidence in this case shows the shooting to be accidental, and
possibly negligent, but not criminally so. “This shooting is not
justified, but also not criminal."
December 11, 2015: My friend was
playing with his gun (his words) when the gun malfunctioned and he
shot me in the head. I'm dead and he's in jail charged with
manslaughter. Moral of the story? Don't play with guns.
December 10, 2015: I am a security
officer with our local court, checking people in and out, making sure
they don't have any weapons and such. While I was at home, however, I
shot myself in the leg. No crime in that so I can keep on working.
December 11, 2015: I seem to have this
thing for guns. I was under indictment for manslaughter, an
accidental shooting from last year. Then this dude on Facebook goes
and pisses me off, so I drove over to where he works and pointed a
gun at him. Now I'm going to be in even bigger trouble.
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