Last Thursday's List of Things That Will Get Us All Killed

Rss@dailykos.com (bill In Portland Maine)
Thursday, September 18, 2014, 8:58 am
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Memo
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    To: All U.S. Citizens
    From: The Office of Senator Lindsay Graham
    RE: Thursday's List of Things That Will Get Us All Killed
    Status: Urgent
    Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC)
    Dear Citizen,
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    The following are the threats to your Homeland community for September 18, 2014:
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        ISIS amphibious vehicles driving down your street
        Ebola
        Illegals
        Illegals with ebola
        Benghazi
        Illegals from Benghazi with ebola in ISIS amphibious vehicles
        Obamacare death panels
        Parents talking to their children positively about gays
        Gays conspiring with ISIS and illegals to expand Obamacare death panels
        Scottish independence
        Unregulated vaginas
        Blacks and Hispanics making a note to vote in November
        Creeping Marxism
        Creeping George Soros
        Shadows that chillingly resemble your own
        Planned Parenthood
        Genetically-engineered Lizard-Elizabeth Warren hybrids
        Whatever's on Rep. Louie Gohmert's and Rep. Steve Kings' lists for today
        Thursdays in general
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        And, as always, our so-called president and his simultaneous display of unstoppable dictatorial strong-arm tyranny and breathtaking lead-from-behind weakness.
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    For specifics on these and other threats that will get us all killed if we don't deploy a minimum of 100,000 troops to Iraq, please tune in to Fox News. If you see any suspicious activity not having to do with police officers shooting unarmed citizens with their hands in the air or NFL players assaulting their wives and children, report it to the proper authorities and then take refuge in the arms of the nearest southern colonel. It's going to be a double diaper day, I fear.
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    Catatonically Yours,
    Lindsay
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