Schwarzenegger: ‘I Am the Sperminator’
Former California Governor in Emotional Confession
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LOS ANGELES (The Borowitz Report) – Amid rumors that he fathered a child with a member of his household staff ten years ago, former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger made an emotional confession at a hastily called press conference today.
“I am the Sperminator,” Mr. Schwarzenegger told the room of stunned reporters.
The former governor and film star said that he knew the child in question was his “after no one could understand a damn thing it was saying.”
He said that when he first learned he had fathered the child, he considered a variety of options to remedy the situation, including traveling back in time ten years and using a condom.
According to Mr. Schwarzenegger, today’s shocking revelation could end his political career, but he added, “On the plus side, I am now qualified to run the IMF.”
“I am the Sperminator,” Mr. Schwarzenegger told the room of stunned reporters.
The former governor and film star said that he knew the child in question was his “after no one could understand a damn thing it was saying.”
He said that when he first learned he had fathered the child, he considered a variety of options to remedy the situation, including traveling back in time ten years and using a condom.
According to Mr. Schwarzenegger, today’s shocking revelation could end his political career, but he added, “On the plus side, I am now qualified to run the IMF.”
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