Great Words - Humor

"Senator Roland Burris, who was appointed by Governor Blagojevich, could be in trouble for perjury and for giving conflicting statements in his testimony about campaign contributions. That's the trouble with politicians. They think the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth are three different things." --Jay Leno

"Bristol Palin, Governor Sarah Palin's daughter, in a recent interview said, "A year ago, I never would have thought I would become a mom or that my mom was going to be chosen to be a vice presidential candidate. Oddly enough, both things happened because some guy failed to take the proper precautions." --Jay Leno

"According to the Financial Times, Barack Obama is moving towards Swedish models of banking. A president moving towards Swedish models? That hasn't happened since the Clinton Administration." --Craig Ferguson

"After withdrawing his name for commerce secretary, Sen. Judd Gregg said he hoped he was just embarrassing himself and not President Obama, to which Joe Biden said, 'Don't worry about it. I do it all the time.'" --Jay Leno

"A new poll of historians just came out. And the poll has named former President George W. Bush one of the ten worst presidents of all time. But on the bright side, Bush was selected second best president named George Bush." --Conan O'Brien

"As part of a plan to close his state's budget deficit, New York Governor David Paterson is proposing a tax on Internet pornography. You see, this is why we can't have blind governors. I mean, no offense, but of course he's going to tax pornography. If he can't enjoy it, nobody can. What's next, a tax on rainbows?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"I saw an article last week that said, 'Is Obama's Presidency already a failure?' ... I think everybody should just calm down. Give Obama four years. See what he can do. Then if he's a miserable failure, we'll do what we did with George W. Bush and elect him to a second term." --Craig Ferguson

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