Great Words - Humor

“How about President Barack Obama’s first primetime press conference last night? He was cogent, eloquent, and in complete command of the issues. I’m thinking to myself, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?” –David Letterman

“How about this? A celebrity birthday. Today is Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s birthday. I’m not saying how old she is, but from her house, she can see 50.” –David Letterman

“Yesterday, when President Obama — this is true — was getting into his helicopter, he accidentally bumped his head on the door. It was in the news, and when he heard about it, President Bush said, ‘See, it’s complicated, right? It’s not so easy. Doors are hard.’” –Conan O’Brien

“How about this? It’s a good example of how strange things are and how time flies. On this date in 2006, then-Vice President Dick Cheney shot his buddy in the face. Tell me again why he’s not in jail? How did that work?” –David Letterman

“And in Minnesota, Republican Norm Coleman, who is in a legal fight with Al Franken over who won the election for Senate, said, ‘God wants me to serve.’ But here is my question. How bad a candidate are you if you can’t win an election when you have the creator of the universe on your side?” –Jay Leno

“And an elderly man in Boynton Beach, Florida, was arrested after he called 911 to report that the Burger King he was standing in had just run out of lemonade. It is so sad to see what’s happened to John McCain since the election.” –Jay Leno