“Man, here’s something chilling. Former Vice President Dick Cheney is now warning that there will be another terrorist attack. He got that information by waterboarding himself.” -David Letterman
“This week in Washington, President Obama took time out from his busy day to read a book to a group of second graders. Did you see that on the news? It was a fairy tale about a cabinet nominee who once paid all his taxes.” -Jay Leno
“Another one of President Barack Obama’s nominees is having tax issues, which proves one thing: The Democrats like raising the taxes, but they hate paying them.” -Craig Ferguson
“Hey, listen to this — according to ‘The Wall Street Journal,’ the city of Las Vegas wants to use $2 million worth of the economic stimulus package for neon signs. I just hope it doesn’t make the city look tacky.” -Jay Leno
“I don’t want to just ruin everybody’s day, but there is discouraging news everywhere. Unemployment is high. Foreclosure rate is high. Michael Phelps is high.” -David Letterman
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