Rapture

Just 2 days left...

Preparing for the rapture...

Top Ten Rapture Tips

from Jesus' General by Gen. JC Christian, Patriot

In preparation for Saturday's Rapture, I'm sharing my top ten rapture tips:

10. Pass gas before leaving atmosphere to prevent embarrassing trajectory changes.

9. Bring a firearm in case some bastard cuts you off at the Kolob exit.

8. Refrain from drinking liquids--God ain't going to pull over.

7. Good manners dictate that you shake Jesus' hand before hugging Ayn Rand and punching Gandhi.

6. Call out greetings to friends immediately after liftoff--in space, no one can hear you scream.

5. To decrease atmospheric friction, refrain from using Cialis, Viagra, or any other hardening agents after midnight on Friday.

4. Wear clean underwear; you don't want to embarrass your mother if you're the bastard who cuts me off at the Kolob exit.

3. Bring a big bottle of Aquafina. Jesus loves a good wine.

2. Don't buzz the Jews.

1. Keep your sunroof open.

The Rapture - an ad

Atheists who'll take in your pets after the Rapture

From Boing Boing by Cory Doctorow

Will sends us "a site of avowed atheists who will, for a nominal fee, look after your pet when you have taken in the rapture."

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 20 states and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.

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They're so sure - maybe we should believe them!