Apologies can actually help survivors. But only if they’re done right.
"There are no words to express my sorrow and regret for the pain I have caused others by words and actions,” former Today anchor Matt Lauer wrote on Thursday. “To the people I have hurt, I am truly sorry.”
Lauer was fired from NBC after a woman accused him of sexual misconduct. After his firing, at least two more women made reports to the network, including one who said that in 2001 he asked her to come to his office, locked the door using a button under his desk, and sexually assaulted her, causing her to pass out.
Lauer’s apology is deeply unsatisfying, as Vox’s Constance Grady points out. And Lauer is just one of the many men to deliver an unhelpful, half-hearted, or downright offensive apology in recent weeks, as women come forward with accounts of sexual harassment, assault, and abuse.
As Americans consider how to repair the damage done by powerful men to the lives and careers of those they have victimized, apologies are a good place to look. The right kind can help survivors and potentially make it easier for others to come forward in the future. The wrong kind of apology, however, risks reinforcing the stereotypes that make it so hard for survivors to speak up in the first place. Perpetrators can help survivors and society heal from harassment and assault, but only if they’re willing to own up to what they’ve done clearly and specifically, without making demands in return.
Why apologies matter
For some survivors of harassment and assault, a perpetrator admitting fault can make a big difference in healing. One woman who was raped on her college campus told NPR earlier this year that what she wanted was for her rapist “to step up to the plate and take responsibility, and to be active in teaching others about this experience.” He apologized, and the two ended up making a video about the assault that they showed to student groups. She described the process as “really therapeutic.”
Not every survivor will want to participate in such a process, nor will every perpetrator be willing. But the desire for an apology or admission is common. Lisa Bloom, an attorney who has represented many women who have reported harassment by powerful men, including Donald Trump and Rep. John Conyers, told Vox in October, “All my clients say the same thing: ‘Why don’t these guys just admit it and apologize? That would make a big difference in my life.’” She said that her previous clients’ desire for an apology influenced her decision to represent Harvey Weinstein, whom she hoped would offer one.
But not every apology is helpful. David Karp, a sociology professor at Skidmore College and the co-founder of Campus PRISM (Promoting Restorative Initiatives for Sexual Misconduct), told Vox he evaluates celebrity apologies based on how well they fulfill the following five criteria:
- An apology should include an explanation of the harm done to the person or people receiving the apology.
- It should include an admission of the perpetrator’s role in causing that harm, an “acknowledgment of personal responsibility and avoidance of denials or minimizing.”
- Perpetrators should express remorse.
- They should explain which behaviors they are committed to stopping now that they understand the harm they’ve caused.
- Finally, they should explain what they will do to make amends.
- A good apology must be specific, and many powerful men’s apologies fail this test
Many of the apologies offered by powerful men in recent weeks have failed on Karp’s first two counts. Lauer, for instance, said, “Some of what is being said about me is untrue or mischaracterized, but there is enough truth in these stories to make me feel embarrassed and ashamed.”
It wasn’t clear from his statement exactly what conduct he was apologizing for, and what he was denying. Several other apologies by powerful men have followed a similar pattern. In a statement to the New York Times issued as women began to accuse him publicly of harassment, assault, and intimidation, Harvey Weinstein said, “I appreciate the way I’ve behaved with colleagues in the past has caused a lot of pain, and I sincerely apologize for it.” But he didn’t specify what behavior he was talking about. And soon after the statement was released, Weinstein’s lawyer threatened to sue the Times, arguing that its story on women’s reports of Weinstein’s behavior was “saturated with false and defamatory statements.”
Read more
https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/12/5/16710430/sexual-harassment-apologies-matt-lauer-louis-ck
No comments:
Post a Comment