Sunday, December 06, 2015

Shooting report

GunFail

November 27th, 2015: I've been a police officer for 5-years now, but I still get surprised by things that happen to me. As I approached the scene of an accident a suspect I believed to be intoxicated was crawling away from the vehicle. I had my gun out of the holster, aimed at the suspect, my finger on the trigger, but I've no idea how or why my gun discharged a bullet into the victim and killed him. I'm not too worried – since I'm a police officer there won't be any charges against me.

November 29, 2015: I'm 21 and I've messed around with weed in the past (got caught once), but recently I shot a 15-year-old kid. I told the cops I didn't do it, but then thought better of it and told them I was showing him the gun when it “accidentally” fired. I don't think they buy my story, 'cause I'm in jail without bail. I hope the kid forgives me – oh – wait – he can't. He's dead and there are no take-backs with bullets.

November 29, 2015: I was trying to break up a fight when one of the guys shot me. Next time I'll mind my own damn business.

November 29, 2015: I'm 16 and “accidentally” shot my 11-year-old brother who is now in critical condition in the hospital. The police have hauled my ass off to juvie hall and I've been charged with unlawful possession of a firearm.

November 28, 2015: I didn't really SHOOT and kill my 6-year-old daughter, but I DID leave the loaded gun between the cushions of the couch where she found it and shot herself dead. Now I'm off to the pokey.

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